Admission
(noun)An act of admitting to something or acknowledging the truth of something.
Admitting to something, especially something that we did wrong, is such a difficult task to do sometimes... Perhaps the most difficult thought to process, let alone execute. But why is it so hard for us to admit to the guilt, admit to a fault, accept the defeat, or take the blame? Why do we caress our ego more than we care for our relationships? Do we fear that we will be belittled for showing our fault? Should we be ashamed to accept our err? Does it mean we are weak? Does it imply we are defeated? May be so, or may be it is just an entirely misunderstood predicament...
We are all a victim of this conundrum. We pride ourselves in being just and wise, for being noble and gallant, but whenever it comes to admitting a fault, it infact becomes a hurculean task to come clean and say but a single word, "sorry"! Words as if choke us and we would rather watch a friendship fall asunder than simply apologize. Perhaps, it is the humbling nature of the act, the feeling of baring ourselves naked (mentally) to the other party, making ourselves vulnerable, that we are so afraid to confront. So afraid not to be the bigger man, when the very act of lowering the pride and confronting truth makes one a bigger person. Or is it the unknown reaction of the other party that we are more concerned about? That what if, after all the displayed humbleness, the baring of ones heart, the exhibition of vulnerability, the letting go of ones ego, we are rewarded not with compassionate words of amity and love but rediculed for being weak and feeble as wrongly percieved to be so? And so, we stay put being wrong and let the vileness grow. However, in the end, no one walks out as a bigger person in such confrontations. Do they?
But have you ever wondered why it humbles us even more to be apologized to than to apologize ourselves??? Yes, it is true... There have been times when I have muddle up the courage to eat a peice of that humble pie, let go of my ego in a fight, and considered becoming the bigger "man", admitted to my flaws, and apologized when I knew I was wrong... It is a very challenging act that requires no less courage than stepping into a mental battlefield. And as soon as I had come clean, it felt liberating, and the other never once rediculed me or belittled my pride for doing so. But I must admit, for all those times when I did not come forth first, I shed more tears instead when I was wholeheartedly apologized to. Somehow, it was much more chastening, sub-duing, and more than anything else, heart-wrenching when someone sincerely apologized to me for the state we were in, albeit the blame be shared equally by both parties. Why you ask? Perhaps, cause their magnanimity humbled me so, or perhaps, I saw the err in my ways that I wouldn't acknowledge before. Or may be even that they strung that little chord in my heart, the one that wouldn't budge for all my better judgements, the one which was required to be struck for me to finally let go of my ego and the petty issues that led to the squabble in the first place... I certainly don't know for sure, but would love to hear from others what they might consider the reason would be.
But one thing is for sure, whatever the reason may be, it is perhaps very gratifying that the other person forgives you and accepts you for all that you did. After all, in the end, it is all that matters... Don't you think?
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